One of the key takeaways for many of my students in the Define Your style course is what I call love vs. appreciation.
I believe things you like and your eye is drawn to at the store, fall into one of two categories; love or appreciation. Knowing how to spot the difference is the key to making sure you are creating a home filled with things you truly love, not merely things you appreciate.
This concept of love vs. appreciation applies to almost every exercise in Define Your Style. I constantly remind students to focus on what they love, not what they appreciate. To create a home you truly love, you need to differentiate between what is right for your home and what is nice, but would be better for someone else’s home.
ap·pre·ci·ate
/əˈprēSHēˌāt/
verb
1. recognize the full worth of
synonyms: value, treasure, admire, respect, hold in high regard, think highly of, think much of
Most people confused about their style say they like lots of things, but the feeling passes later, usually after they have bought something and brought it home. You don’t get the same buyer’s remorse with things your truly love. The many things you like, at least for a little while, are really things you appreciate. You think they are pretty, or interesting, or quirky, or good quality. All those things make a piece nice and make you like it, but they can’t make you love it.
Learn how to spot home decor you truly love in my new book Free Decorating. I’ll walk you through how you can tell the difference between love and appreciation, so you bring home decor that will stand the test of time. Click here to check it out.
This is spot-on! I have journeyed this path myself. In my first house I bought anything with a butterfly on it for the “butterfly bathroom,” which as you can imagine, ended up looking like a hot, cluttered, ugly mess! It’s a sign of design maturity to see something in a color or pattern you admire, but recognize that the function/size/whatever is just not what you need. After enough mistakes, you can sort of look into your “crystal ball” when you see something and know what’s going to happen if you get something you don’t absolutely love.
I’m a thrifter, and this is something a lot of thrifters struggle with—how to leave something behind because it’s often very inexpensive and you think “why not?” But 500 “why nots” later, you have spent $1000 on stuff you don’t love!! I have a few mantras I say to myself when I’m shopping:
“My closet is not big enough for less than awesome” (when I’m clothes shopping),
“It’s special but not special enough” (when I see something is cute or nice but not amazing), and
“That’s awesome, but I’ll let someone else discover it.”
I used that last one yesterday. I saw a Coach purse at a thrift store for less than $20, but it was too big for my needs. Five minutes later I saw a woman excitedly showing it to her friend. I’m sure it just made her day to find a great purse for that price! I’m going to remember that scene every time I am tempted to snatch something up “just because it’s there and it’s a bargain and it’s sort of nice.” By leaving it there, I could be making someone else ten times happier with it than I will be!
Erin, This is one of the most awesome comments I have ever received. I LOVE your mantras! We all have to get out of our stuff-hoarding presets and realize that something that doesn’t work for us, will be someone else’s dream come true. Thank you so much for sharing your tips!!!
Great read Jackie! I have made the mistake many times but now I am pretty vigilant about only buying things that ‘punch me in the gut’ and that I keep obsessively thinking about- I often will leave a store and then give myself time to decide and go back and get it if I feel real remorse about leaving it behind.
This is why I do a lot of shopping and browsing on Craigslist and other online retailers. It gives me time to look and consider before purchasing. I send myself stuff all the time from Craigslist or add to my cart online but rarely actually take the plunge to purchase. One question though: what happens when you absolutely love, can’t live without something that does not work with anything else in your home? I found an awesome couch on Craigslist. Considered it for over a week and couldn’t stop thinking about it and ended up getting it. Figuring I would reupholster it and resell it (I have a goal to open up a booth at the antique mall or similar in my town). I just can’t bring myself to do it. I love it too much. My style is comfy, casual and classic and this couch is über mid century modern. It’s on a platform with end tables built in to either end; its nine feet long! And very low. It’s just sitting in my work studio waiting for me to either make it mine or make it someone else’s.
Chelsea, Great question. Let me ask you this…if you love this couch so much, you can’t possibly live without it, but it doesn’t fit with anything else in your home, then what does that say about everything else in your home? I generally believe everything you love can work together. So either you think the couch is really awesome, but don’t really love it for your home. Or, you don’t really love the rest of the stuff in your home. Last option…you have a really eclectic style that you aren’t fully embracing, where this couch and your other things can all work together. I say try to work it in, move and switch other things around to work with it, and see how it feels.
Wow, brilliant answer!! I am going to go around my house and find all those “oddball” things I think don’t match and ask myself that very question! Jackie, you are very good at this!
This is great advice, Jackie! I’ve gotten better at keeping only things I love, but I do have a tendency to think that I can transform/diy a great find. I could if I had the time, but I don’t so I just have to suck it up and buy only things that are going to work as is.
Lisa, Even though DIY is part of my job, I still find way more things I would like to makeover than I actually have time to do. I have to limit myself to only what fits in bins in my studio…that is where I allow myself to keep small things that need a makeover. If it won’t fit there and isn’t a project I can tackle immediately, then I pass.
This is great! Thank you!
Thanks for the advice Jackie. I think I will reupholster it in a fabric that will work in my house (it’s a very worn 60-70’s orange right now) and then ultimately if it still doesn’t work I know someone will love it as much as I do. My style is a little eclectic but not very, hence the casual and comfy aspects of my style. I DIY a lot (my favorite chairs are cane sided barrel chairs that I painted and reupholstered in a blue plaid). I’m drawn to more masculine patterns and colors with classic and feminine lines. Anyways, thanks again! I hope to take your define your style course the next time around. I could use help defining it just a little more. Just couldn’t make it work this time :-)